Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Be Good to Yourself, Girls

Be Good to Yourself, Girls
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Today, I saw a girl who suicided. She told to me, she will do it again. She feel so painful just because her boyfriend didn't believe her and would like to say goodbye to her. I feel sad not because she put her hope and life on the other person, but also she totally forget she have a little boy, who is only 11. The little boy also want to suicide because he though that's the only way could be together with his mother. I feel so sad for the girl doesn't want to be good for herself.我想,我很難去暸解為什麼有人要去為情自殺。雖然這樣的理由常在社會新聞中一再地被報導。也許是因為我從來不認為死了就一了百了,而是確認死後人人要面臨審判。而一但面對審判的時刻到來,就什麼也無法補救了,唯一的機會~『生』,已經被用掉了。

今日遇上這位自殺未遂者,感覺心痛的是在小孩身上,再次看到被逼著成為大人的小孩,只因為母親將自己變成虛弱到不行的狀態,四處向人索求幸福,導致小孩被迫成長。有句話提到:「女子柔弱,為母則強。」我卻一點都看不出來這個母親想要「強」起來保護兒子,只想要將「弱」表達出來。也許情感的糾葛一向離我甚遠,只是,為什麼不多為自己疼惜一點,只想要控制他人來疼惜自己呢?女孩子真的沒有能力好好對待自己嗎?

也許,女孩子們在社會上被定義著需要向他人索求溫情,同時也被定義著要釋放溫情予某一特定的人。這樣的定義讓很多女孩子只見到情人,而忘了自己是可以擁有手帕交的。同時,也忘了自己可以有自己的生活圈,進而好好享受自己的生活。也許,自己一個人生活沒有想像中的瀟灑、自在,也沒法子幾乎24小時黏著某人索求溫情。這樣就會造成自殺的緣由嗎?個人覺得,身為女孩子應該好好學習多疼愛自己一點,手帕交多一點,生活多享受一點,為自己的疼借多努力一點。

------------Felicia於丁亥歲末感嘆中-----

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